Pro Wrestling

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Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (Apr 4-7)

The WWE maid it impossible for me to separate the Wroundup into WWE and NXT sections this week. First, they ran a Takeover recap show with only one match, the Apollo Crews/Elias Samson match they left off of Takeover. And then they turned Raw and Smackdown into NXT.

Callups galore! Apollo Crews debuted on the main roster and wrestled a standard NXT match against Tyler Breeze. I'm sure Breeze has fond memories of beating Dolph Ziggler that one time before he was paired with Summer Rae and then forgotten. But at least he's not in the Social Outcasts.

Motherfucking Lucha Underground! (Apr 6)

So I forgot/didn't have time to talk about last week's wpisode with all the run-up to Wrestlemania, but it was basically a reset/new status quo episode. Highlights were the return of bands playing in the temple along with the return of Dario Cueto' Cueto saying "I didn't see you come in" after Catrina TELEPORTED INTO HIS OFFICE, and Pentagon Jr. Getting beaten badly by Matanza in a title defense. I wanted to say Pentagon got murdered there, but this is a world where Matanza has actually murdered people, so the hyperbole might be misleading.

This week's vignettes:

Wrasslemania Weekend Wrasslin' Wroundup (Apr 1-3)

Ultimately, the lesson of Wrestlemania weekend is that spectacle is relative.

Lucha Underground can take one smoke machine, four Aztec tribal drummers/dancers, and a few sparkly outfits and create spectacle because it's in a tiny, cramped, dark venue and the action itself is so dynamic.

NXT Takeover, with a slightly large budget, can create spectacle with just some lights, a big sound system, and a very excited crowd. Well, and two of the best matches I've seen in a while Takeover dallas. Was way, way bigger than the room it was in, and you could feel it.

Wrestlemania Weekend Predictions: The Big SHow

And here are the four hours of Wrestlemania. Do all these matches and all these people need to be on the card? Probably not. ButWWE is not known for pacing or brevity at the best of times.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale

Wrestlemania Week Predictions: Pre-Show

There's going to be a lot of wrestling at Wrestlemania. So much so that apparently they need SIX HOURS to show it all to us, including two hours worth of kickoff show. Both hours online, one hour also on basic cable. Which is nuts. So to break up the predictions, let's get the pre-show stuff out of the way.

Team Total Divas (Natalya, Paige, Alicia Fox, Eva Marie and Brie Bella) vs. Team BAD And Blonde (Lana, Tamina, Naomi, Emma and Summer Rae)

Wrestlemania Weekend Predictions: NXT

It's the last week before the third biggest wrestling event of the year (after Ultima Lucha II and Aztec Warfare II, of course), which means it's time for me to be wrongety wrong wrong wrong about prediction for Wrestlemania weekend. We'll start with NXT Takeover Dallas, because it's sooner, and with only five matches on the card, it's less typing for me.

Austin Aries vs. Baron Corbin

Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (Mar 21-24)

One more week before Wrestlemania, and there's not much more for WWE to say. Well, they had one more thing to say, but it was sucky.

WWE MAIN ROSTER:

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground (3/23)

I cannot even begin to discuss what a match Aztec Warfare II was.

OK, let me try. JAYSUS. Right off the bat, Fenix, the champion, comes out at #1. #2 is the debut of Rey Mysterio Jr., and the Temple goes apeshit. I mean, there's not a lot of headroom between the loudest crowd reactions in Lucha Underground's past and the loudest possible reaction any Lucha Underground crowd can have, but this snuck in there.

Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (Last Week)

Wrestlemania is coming up fast. You'd think I'd care more. Still, technically, this column isn't late, because I haven't finished watching the first match of this week's RAW yet (a Smackdown rematch between Kevin Owens and AJ Styles, killing time with each other before Mania).

WWE MAIN ROSTER:

So, I've got some good news, and i've got some bad news.

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! (Mar 16)

Sweet, merciful baby Jebus. One week before Aztec Warfare II, and literally everything is in coplete turmoil.

THE VIGNETTES:

Catrina confronts Fenix, reveals that she's, um, dead, regrets not siding with him, then they MAKE OUT FOR A BIT and then she leaves him and says Mil Muertes with destroy him. WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK?!

Johnny Mundo taunts Prince Puma about his loss to Mil Muertes last week. Prince Puma emits a couple of LOW GROWLS and then punches THROUGH the punching bag.

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