Wrestlemania Weekend Predictions: The Big SHow

And here are the four hours of Wrestlemania. Do all these matches and all these people need to be on the card? Probably not. ButWWE is not known for pacing or brevity at the best of times.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale

Wrestlemania Week Predictions: Pre-Show

There's going to be a lot of wrestling at Wrestlemania. So much so that apparently they need SIX HOURS to show it all to us, including two hours worth of kickoff show. Both hours online, one hour also on basic cable. Which is nuts. So to break up the predictions, let's get the pre-show stuff out of the way.

Team Total Divas (Natalya, Paige, Alicia Fox, Eva Marie and Brie Bella) vs. Team BAD And Blonde (Lana, Tamina, Naomi, Emma and Summer Rae)

Wrestlemania Weekend Predictions: NXT

It's the last week before the third biggest wrestling event of the year (after Ultima Lucha II and Aztec Warfare II, of course), which means it's time for me to be wrongety wrong wrong wrong about prediction for Wrestlemania weekend. We'll start with NXT Takeover Dallas, because it's sooner, and with only five matches on the card, it's less typing for me.

Austin Aries vs. Baron Corbin

Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (Mar 21-24)

One more week before Wrestlemania, and there's not much more for WWE to say. Well, they had one more thing to say, but it was sucky.

WWE MAIN ROSTER:

@midnight Power Rankins (Mar 21-24)

Let's get this out of the way right now. The debate episode won't be part of the Powerf Rankings. It was great, but I'm not going to compare a pair of spot-on Trump and Sanders impressions in an hour-long show to the rest of the week. It was pretty fucking awesome, though. The rest of the week featured a lot of strangely uneven performances, with some great stuff and some duds from everyone on the show.

1. Dave Hill (M)
2. Aimee Mann (M)
3. Jessica McKeane (Th)
4. Jonathan Coulton (M)
5. Rhea Butcher (T)
6. Cameron Esposito (T)
7. Nicole Byer (Th)
8. Jenny Johnson (T)

Oh, The Metahumanity1 (Mar 21-24)

We've got a new addition to Oh, The Metahumanity starting this week. I've been going at it obliquely, but starting now, I'm just going to straight up quantify the stupid in each episode. Because that's mostly all I care about.

Agents of SHIELD: Parting Shot (5% Stupid)

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground (3/23)

I cannot even begin to discuss what a match Aztec Warfare II was.

OK, let me try. JAYSUS. Right off the bat, Fenix, the champion, comes out at #1. #2 is the debut of Rey Mysterio Jr., and the Temple goes apeshit. I mean, there's not a lot of headroom between the loudest crowd reactions in Lucha Underground's past and the loudest possible reaction any Lucha Underground crowd can have, but this snuck in there.

Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (Last Week)

Wrestlemania is coming up fast. You'd think I'd care more. Still, technically, this column isn't late, because I haven't finished watching the first match of this week's RAW yet (a Smackdown rematch between Kevin Owens and AJ Styles, killing time with each other before Mania).

WWE MAIN ROSTER:

So, I've got some good news, and i've got some bad news.

Oh, The Metahumanity! (Mar 15-18)

Agents of SHIELD was the only proper broadcast show this week, but somewhat surprisingly, I was able to get the first two Daredevil S2 eps knocked out on relesae day.

Agents of SHIELD: The Inside Man

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! (Mar 16)

Sweet, merciful baby Jebus. One week before Aztec Warfare II, and literally everything is in coplete turmoil.

THE VIGNETTES:

Catrina confronts Fenix, reveals that she's, um, dead, regrets not siding with him, then they MAKE OUT FOR A BIT and then she leaves him and says Mil Muertes with destroy him. WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK?!

Johnny Mundo taunts Prince Puma about his loss to Mil Muertes last week. Prince Puma emits a couple of LOW GROWLS and then punches THROUGH the punching bag.

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