Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (Biweekly Edition)

The last two weeks in WWE have been very... Odd. On one hand, we have the promise of young and new and talented wrestlers getting opportunities near the top of the card. On the flip side, this is still the WWE. Two weeks ago, we had an excellent Raw and a decent Smackdown, but then, with a few exceptions, last week's shows from the UK were weird and lackluster. I don't know if it was jet lag, weird sound production, or what, but both shows seemed really off.

The biggest highlight has been the tag division. A tournament was held, sponsored by Booty-O's, of course, to crown a new #1 contender in the tag division. And the finals at Payback next week will be between The Vaudevillains and Enzy & Cass. Which is fucking nutz. Usos? Beat. Dudleys? Beat. League of Nations? Not b othering with the tag division. So a pair of post-Wrestlemania NXT callups will be competing to lose to The New Day at some point. Probably gonna be the Vaudevillains to maintain The New Day's still slightly tenuous face status.

The heavyweight situation is a little bit promising and a little bit disappointing. Sure, the quest for the #1 contender included AJ Styles, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, and Cesaro. And sure, AJ Styles will be facing Reigns at Payback. But he won't win. I'll maybe grant a microscopic chance that Styles could win, but if so, it'd be one of those meaningless one-month reigns (pardon the expression) that won't do anyone any good.

Meanwhile, Reigns himself is reciting "I'm not a good guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm THE guy" because apparently WWE is under the impression that what he needed was another clumsy canned catchphrase to really boost his popularity into the stratosphere.

Miz's Intercontinental Title is being pursued by Cesaro, thank fuck. Miz is doing a little funny stuff with his run with the belt, but the good stuff is maybe 5% of the total. Put the belt on Cesaro and let him run with it for a bit.

Kalisto is still wrestling Ryback because fuck you, WWE Universe, that's why.

Ambrose and Jericho are having a "we don't have anything for you guys" feud over in-ring talk shows, which is just ridiculous enough to work thanks to both guys involved.

The Women's Division is largely ignoring Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch, so I am largely ignoring the Women's Division for the time being. Instead, they're having another Bechdel Test failing feud between Natalya and Charlotte, and their match will have Ric Flair and Bret Hart at ringside, because two steps forward, one step back.

Luckily, at this point, there's not much left on the roster to waste. I mean, there's the Social Outcasts doing their thing and R-Truth and Goldust doing their thing and that's why God invented the Fast Forward button.

Over at NXT, we've had a couple weeks of Guys Who Got Called Up losing matches to Guys Who Didn't Get Called Up, which is the way of things, but it also means no stories are moving forward at all, just wrestling matches. Word on the street is that Finn Balor dropped the belt to Samoa Joe at a house show, which is a thing WWE does every once in a while and I never understand why. You have a television show for shit like this.