WWE Night Of Champions 2015

Well, that was stunningly mediocre. Three good matches. Two welcome title changes off of bad matches. Two welcome title retentions after awful matches. And a weird dichotomy, as the talented wrestlers of 2015 square off the combined rosters of the WWE and WCW N64 games from the early 2000's. Anyway, here's the match by match.

Neville & The Lucha Dragoons vs. Stardust & The Ascension

Really solid, high-energy match. Gotta say, Stardust has done wonders for The Ascension. He breaks up their monotony nicely and they work well together. And I'm happier with the finish than you'd expect from Neville losing in the pre-show, because it's not like any of these guys are going to be moving on to anything better if this feud ends.

Kevin Owens Vs. Ryback

I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is, Kevin Owens is your new Intercontinental Champion. The bad news is, even Owens can't carry Ryback to a decent match. The worse news is, the ending was shenanigans-based and not even remotely definitive, so they'll have to wrestle again, probably at Hell In The Cell.

Rusev vs. Ziggler

These two put on a spectacular match in service of a stupid, stupid story. I kind of like the idea of Ziggler (and Lana) manipulating the stupid Summer Rae with fake affection and jujitsu mind games, but that's not really the story the match told. Still, this match probably had the best-executed awful finish of the year, with Summer Rae accidentally hitting Rusev with a shoe leading to a Zig Zag and a pin. The shoe to rusev's face was the single best looking move of Summer Rae's career.

The New Day vs. The Dudley Boys

Shockingly, New Day still have the belts. Sure, it was by disqualification. Sure, the match was lousy. Sure, Xavier Woods went through a table. But hey, all the gold, including the trombone, stayed safe!

Charlotte vs. Nikki Bella

Ugh. A desired outcome, but another unsatisfying match. Best they could under the circumstances, I suppose. Nikki can't keep up with Charlotte on her best day, so the plan to have Charlotte "hurt her knee" early on was a good one. Unfortunately, what followed was about six minutes of Nikki working over Charlotte's leg, which would be death to the strongest crowd in the world. Charlotte's win came out of nowhere and wasn't paced properly for maximum effect, but at least she's got the belt.

iThe wyatt Family vs. Ambrose, Reigns, and Jericho

Chris Jericho was the surprise partner for Ambrose and Reigns, mostly so he could eat the submission at the hands of Braun Strohman. Not sure what the ending was about, with Jericho brushing off his partners after the loss, and the match was pretty awful, but at least they only weakened Strohman a little bit, having him take two Superman Punches before being knocked over by Reigns' spear. Hope they have an endgame in mind.

Seth Rollins vs. John Cena

John Cena never loses twice. There was no way he wan't getting the belt back. Most of the match was pretty standard 2014-2015 Cena stuff, with his array of "new" spots all on display in the usual places, but the last three minutes of the match really kicked things up. Rollins put on an amazing show, with a couple of mind-boggling feats of strenth, and a superplex-suplex combo that was fucking gorgeous. But Cena wins, because John Cena loses battles, and never wars. And he got to beat Rollins up a little post-match for good measure.

Sting vs. Seth Rollins

Kudos to Rollins, who bumped like a champ for a 56 year old man, but fuck, was most of that unwatchable. Also, has a Spanish announcer's table ever been more gimmicked than the one Sting went through? It was so gimmicked that they showed the replay sped up and normal speed instead of normal speed and slow motion. It's a wonder it didn't fall over halfway through the show. Apparently Sting's post-bucklebomb injury ws legit, but watching Seth Rollins pretend like the Scorpion Deathlock hurt even though his body was perfectly straight to the knees was just embarrassing, At least Rollins won clean, if not decisively, even though it led to...

Sheamus and Kane

Sheamus came out to cash in, Brogue Kicked Rollins, but before he could cash in, Masked Kane (Version 2) returned, chokeslammed Rollins, chokeslammed Sheamus, tombstoned Rollins, and