Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (July 6-10)

One week from Battleground, and the WWE has one, count it, one match that I'm even remotely interested in. All other matches pale by comparison. Kevin Owens, and to a lesser extent, John Cena, is making the rest of the roster dull by comparison and also dull because of a bunch of shitty booking.

LUCHA UNDERGROUND IS STILL AWESOME

Pentagon Jr.'s master! Vampiro's real name! Calling The Mack "Lucha Ron Funchess"! All in the ifrst three minutes. Cage and Willie "Lucha Ron Funches" Mack had a decent, fast-paced, short opener. Then Katrina taunted the Trios champs, set up Mil Muertes totally destroying Son of Havoc later in the show, and vanished into thin air, because Lucha Underground is the best.

Blue Demon Jr.s heel turn and challenging Texano at Ultima Lucha makes no goddamned sense, and I wonder if there was a legit injury to Chavo back when this was taped, because it definitely seems like the kind of nonsense hotshot booking Lucha Underground almost completely avoids.

The main event was an eight-man tag between a team led by Alberto El Patron and one led by Johnny Mundo. It was a big sloppy spot-fest, the pile of fun you get any time you get a bunch of these guys in the ring. And the episode closed with Pentagon Jr. beating Vampiro with a chair, dumping "gasoline" on him, and threatening to light him on fire if he didn't agree to a match at Ultima Lucha. Pentagon blew out his lighter and the episode ended right there, which is the kind of timing and pacing WWE wishes they could pull off.

WWE

One more week of shows before Battleground and here's where things stand.

KEVIN OWENS VS. JOHN CENA
Owens claims that now he doesn't want the US Title, he NEEDS it, which is exactly the approach I was hoping for. But Cesaro scares Owens off and wrestles Cena in a damn fine main event. I'm worried that they're gonna have Owens lose to Cena and feud with Cesaro, and as much as I'd love to see Owens and Cesaro go at it, I'd rather it be for Owens' US Title.

SETH ROLLINS VS. BROCK LESNAR
Brock Lesnar took two fire axes and beat the shit out of J&J Security's Cadillac. Also, the Intercontinental Bullshit got mixed in with the title feud as Ryback wrestled Seth Rollins on Smackdown and then Big Show did something I guess because I was fast-forwarding so hard.

PRIME TIME PLAYERS VS. NEW DAY
New Day beat Lucha Dragons while we all pretended the PTP were awesome, funny talkers on commentary. Then a bunch of the same guys wrestled on Smackdown.

ROMAN REIGNS VS. BRAY WYATT:
This feud keeps getting dumber, with Wyatt's next move: sending out a fake disappearing Bray Wyatt to force Reigns to lose to Sheamus by countout. Ooooh, spooky! Real Bray Wyatt also got involved at the end of Roman Reigns vs. Big Show on Smackdown and got the better of Roman Reigns again.

DOLPH ZIGGLER & LANA VS. RUSEV'S HEART AND SUMMER RAE
Oh, thank fuck, Rusev's foot is better and he got right back to what he does best. CRUSHING. Puny Ziggler didn't stand a chance. And Summer Rae barely talked. Things are looking way the hell up in this feud.

RYBACK VS. BIG SHOW VS. THE MIZ
This whole thing is as ridiculous and awful as that awful hoodie cape thing Miz has been wearing since his return. Someone rescue the Intercontinental Title from these jabronis, pronto. And keep them out of other feuds.

SHEAMUS VS. RANDY ORTON:
I guess this is happening out of some vague events on Raw and Smackdown and some old history. Not a match I ever need to see.

And the NXT Roster Feuds/Stories:

KEVIN OWENS VS. FINN BALOR
They re-ran the title match on NXT this week, but since I'd already watched it twice, there wasn't anything new in that regard. So the next question is, Finn Balor vs. who? I say it's gotta be Tyler Breeze.

ENZO AND CASS VS. BLAKE AND MURPHY:
The inexplicable #1 Contender's match with the Vaudevillains was this week's main event, and THE VAUDEVILLAINS WON?! I'm not saying I'm not happy. I'm elated. But I'm also shocked. They've been building to Enzo and Cass taking the titles from Blake and Murphy for a couple of months now. Are they gonna do a transitional thing to kill time between now and Takeover in Brooklyn and have E&C win the titles there? The match was decent considering the Bonifide G and the Certified Stud still have a single-digit moveset between the two of them.

SASCHA BANKS VS. CHARLOTTE
And all of a sudden we're booking around the NXT Women's CHampionship again, as Charlotte teams with former pal Sascha Banks to crush Emma and the awful Dana Brooke, then Charlotte demanded a title match next week as payback. I'm fine with all of this.

SOLOMON CROWe RETURNS:
He wants to be called a little monster. And the man who is basically Dean Ambrose in troll doll form wrestled Hairless French Homunculus Marcus Louis in a short match. Let's hope they do more with Crowe than they did during his introductory run.q