Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundupt (June 1-4)

Hey, another week between major events! Another week before Money in the Bank, at least. Raw continues to be on a slump, making some very odd choices, but there's no surprise what show ended up on top yet again.


...which continues to amaze me. I mean, look at the matches on this week's card. Argenis vs. Jack Evans would be a fairly traditional Lucha Underground opener, and then Dario Cueto emerges and makes the match for a MYSTICAL AZTEC MEDALLION! Evans wins the match and the medallion, making me wonder if there's not a seven-man match for a title shot at the season finale in the cards for these medallions. And the match itself is rock solid.

Then we have a Trios championship match that should, by all accounts, have been a clusterfuck. Evilisse is still on crutches, so it's essentially a handicap match. The opponents are a thrown-together team of Delavar Daivari, Big Ryck, and Cage, three big guys who run the skill gamut from "pretty good" (Cage) to "awful) Ryck). And the match is watchable because they've built up the Angelico, Son of Havoc, and Evilisse team as a team that can somehow overcome the odds and their own internal dysfunction to win every time.

Then we get the main event - Sexy Star vs. Pentagon Jr. in a submission match, continuing their storyline and the most impressive intergender competition I've ever seen. The match weaves in the weird "career vs. mask" match Star had with Superfly about a month back to lead to the interference that cost her the match, protecting her while giving Pentagon Jr. his win back. And then Vampiro, of all people, gets involved to help Star, and the show ends with Vampiro struggling with his demons, a development that three months ago I would have dreaded, but the show made it work.

Oh, and did I mention that during all this, backstage, a 1994 action TV show was taking place, with Black Lotus being betrayed by Chavo Guerrero Jr., being beaten by The Crew and Chavo, being brought before Dario Cueto, and (presumably) locked up next to Cueto's brother, who Black Lotus came to Lucha Underground to kill for murdering her parents? And who is apparently named "Matanza"? This was all in an hour of television. With commercials. That destroyed everything out there, even...


...which technically is the episode from last week I didn't have time to watch, featuring matches from last year, but fuck it, Ricochet vs. Kota Ibushi for the IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Championship has to be seen to be believed. There are moves and counters in this match I've never seen anyone try before. And there were two more matches, although if I were deciding which one to cut chunks out of, the tag title match between Timesplitters and the Young Buck would have gotten a lot more time than the more old-school Japanese brawler tag match that took up the middle of the hour. But still, a bit better than...


...which, after weeks of ups and downs, was pretty much what I wanted from an episode of NXT. Sure, I don't know why Tyler Breeze was wrestling Adam Rose, or who was the face, but despite a slow start, it turned into a decent match by then end. Sure, I don't know why Marcus Louis' weird "hairless monster" character is back, or why it's tagging with Justin Jordan, but fuck you, we got the Vaudevillains back! And sure, Alexa Bliss is now copying Blake and Murphy's entrance and gear style, which should have been impossible since they don't really have one, but... OK, I don't have a but there. Nice of Bliss to remember she was supposed to cheat to win between the third and fourth counts of her three count, though. And man, watching the Full Sail crowd shit all over Eva Marie is something I could, and likely will, be seeing a lot more of in the coming weeks.

And Finn Balor vs. Rhyno was one of Rhyno's better matches since he came to NXT. The heelish post-match stage Gore was, I'm sure, to keep Finn Balor occupied since he's having to wait nearly two months for his title shot (but it's coming on a WWE special show from Tokyo, which is ideal, so I'll live with it). A solid, workmanlike episode of NXT, not a filler ep. And better than...


...which wasn't... awful? Or at least as awful as it was on paper? There was a solid three-way tag-match even though I'm not sure why The Ascension or the Prime Time Players are getting pushed right now. There was a Neville-Kofi Kingston match which featured Neville being really clever avoiding New Day interference, and Kevin Owens did what was right and just to Zack Ryder in his mocking "NXT Open Challenge", including a hilarious, sarcastic read on John Cena's "You want some? Come get some!"

Also, this episode confirmed the importance of getting an answer to one of the biggest questions in professional wrestling today. What the everloving fuck is The Miz wearing now? Is he trying to do a Brando: The Later Years riff? I first saw his outfit on...


...which had a lot of wrestling on it, which is unlike RAW, but none of it was any good, which is a lot more like Raw. There were THREE different Roman Reigns matches on Raw this week, against King Bad News Barrett, Mark Henry, and Bray Wyatt. He won all three, because if he'd lost any of them, he'd have been out of Money int eh Bank. This is the worst possible booking of Roman Reigns I can think of, for all the reasons.

The new Intercontinental Champion Ryback will be feuding with the Big Show, so that's a month of unwatchable ahead of us. A sub-par Ziggler-Kingston match turned in to a six-man between New Day and Ziggler and the Prime Time Players, yay. Sheamus wrestled Randy Orton and the audience lost. Bo Dallas wrestled Neville again and continued to prove why this feud is a horrible mistake for everyone involved.

The only upside was the Kevin Owens promo on John Cena, and even that got weird, with Kevin Owens using snarky references to how adult/internet/"smart" fans see John Cena and John Cena countering with, essentially, "why do you hate little cancer kids?" There is no answer to that. I wish I could believe that Owens would win again at Money in the Bank, but there's no goddamned way. Is there?