What the fuck is this?
This is Long John Silver's Baja Fish Taco, a culinary item so egregious I'm inaugurating a new section, War Crimes, just to talk about it and its ilk. Things that should not be. Things that even I, with my love of certain fast and processed foods, want to wave a torch and a pitchfork at.
The Baja Fish Taco I know and love is a noble beast. Bits of fried whitefish. Cabbage. onion. And some vaguely avocado/lime sauce. This is a fish stick in a flour tortilla. And not just any fish stick, but a Long John Silver's fish stick, which, if my last ill-advised trip to LJS was any indication, is 80% batter and 20% Fishlike Substance. So essentially, they've taken something that's already wrapped in a thick layer of bread product, and wrapped it in another think layer of bread product.
Oh, and it has "crumblies" on it. Crumblies are Long John Silver's attempt to monetize the bits of fried batter that fall off into the oil, and are, in many ways, a war crime of their own. They make an appearence here as part of the Baja Fish Taco, making it bread wrapped in bread TOPPED BY BREAD. And maybe a bit of lettuce. Oh, and Long John Silver's interpretation of Baja Sauce, which I dare not even contemplate before breakfast.
The official slogan for the LJSBFT is "Sounds Weird, Tastes Delicious", which, at two lies in four words, is some of the densest bullshit you'll find in ad copy today. I suppose the idea of a fish taco sounds weird if you're in one of those small Midwestern or Southern towns with no connection to the outside world. You know, the kind of place where people still go to Long John Silver's. But I live in the middle of flyover country, and I've been eating Baja-style fish tacos for over a decade. It's not that peculiar. As for it tasting delicious... well, I'm not going to eat one to find out. Even on Free Fish Taco Day, July 14. Because even in the prettied up promotional shots, it looks like a deep fryer vomited on a doily. I can only imagine what the real thing, lovingly plated by Long John Silver's qualified chefs, will look like once its handed to me.
Normally, I'm actually a fan of once-exotic dishes and flavors percolating down to the bottom of the food chain. I love that you can get pesto at Quiznos, balsamic at Wendy's, and chipotle... fucking everywhere, come to think of it. But this abomination goes too far. WAR CRIME.